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Code Red Alert In Marchwood For Visit Of Liverpool
Thursday, 19th Feb 2015 14:01

The village of Marchwood near Southampton will be in a state of lockdown over the coming weekend as Liverpool come into town.

Not a lot usually happens in the village of Marchwood near Southampton, occasionally it gets the odd high profile patient at the Priory Clinic or the odd newspaper headline or two when there is talk of extending Southampton Docks to that side of the water, apart from that its main claim to fame is that it is the location of Southampton FC's training ground Staplewood and there is the core of why residents face major disruption over the next few days.

According to information leaked from a recent parish council meeting a security cordon will be put in place on Friday morning effectively sealing off the village and will remain in place till around 8pm on Sunday evening when it has been confirmed that Brendon Rodgers the Liverpool manager is safely out of Hampshire airspace and on his way back to Liverpool escorted by a squadron of Flybe fighter planes who will only return when it is confirmed that Liverpool's plane is safely on the tarmac at John Lennon Airport.

Every road will see a security check and anyone wishing to enter will be required to produce two pieces of ID, a driving licence, utility bill or certificate awarded at last years village fete will suffice.

The local fields will be scoured by sniffer dogs who having not been fed for several days will ensure that no one will cross into the vicinity via this route.

In addition several patrol boats from the Navy's fishery protection fleet will mount guard on the waterfront access, whilst Flybe's fighter squadron will remain on standby should any incursion from the air occur

So why this major heightened security ? the answer lies in the events of last summer when a man believed to be Brendon Rodgers alongside a cell from Liverpool FC's player aquisition unit were found operating in the area of the Staplewood Training Ground.

Back then Saints infamous Black Room was requisitioned as a secure cabinet room and a security council including both members of Marchwood's elite Hampshire Constabulary Unit stationed in the village, convened on a daily basis to thwart this major threat although unfortunately there were three losses before they stemmed the tide.

Since the the village has been relatively quiet apart from the month of January when the threat was upgraded to Amber in case Liverpool had a lottery win and suddenly got some cash.

Back last summer it was a dangerous time to be a Marchwoodian, there was a constant threat of being attacked from the air and several casualties were reported when Liverpool scouts fell out of tree's overlooking Staplewood.

The sound of tunnelling was also heard from a house opposite the entrance to the Academy, all this after Brendon Rodgers was seen buying four shovels and a wheelbarrow from B & Q at Rownhams.

Such was the desperation of Rodgers and his men to sign anything that moved in a Southampton tracksuit they were willing to resort to any method no matter how underhand, sneaky or just downright unsporting

The Villagers and indeed Southampton FC do not want a repeat of this behaviour for the visit of Rodgers and his Liverpool side so these draconian methods will be employed putting the village into total lockdown, nothing will move inor out without intense scrutiny and already pictures of Brendon Rodgers are posted on every lamp post.

Chief Constable for Marchwood Anthony Rozzer said

" I implore local residents to remain calm over the next few days and let us handle the situation"

Rozzer also emphasised that he did not want a repeat of what happened in World War 2 when a herd of cattle were mistaken for a German SS Regiment by trigger happy locals and machine gunned.

"If locals spot Brendon Rodgers then they are not to approach him but instead immediately summon a member of the security forces, he is dangerous and if they are not careful they could find themselves signed to a 5 year contract for £125k a week and forced to play alongside Martin Skrtel in a shaky back four, if that happens there is nothing we can do apart from wait till they become available on a free transfer 18 months later"

Non football fans might consider all of this over the top, but ask any Marchwood resident and they will disagree, they know that Rodgers behaviour means that all of this is justified, a resident who did not wish to be named said.

"Rodgers complete disregard for either human life or footballing ability aligned with his total obsession with anything Southampton FC means no one can walk the streets safely whilst he is in the area, we will relax when we see him safely sat on the bench at St Mary's although we are worried that at half time he may slip his guards and catch the Hythe ferry"

Hopefully by late Sunday evening the threat will be downgraded and a once peaceful village can return to normal.

For those who wish to avoid any potential flashpoints they are advised to avoid the following.

Saturday 21st February

11am Liverpool plane arrives at Southampton airport, bulletproof coach will transport Rodgers and his team to their hotel the Travelodge Ower.

6pm McDonalds Ower, Liverpool FC evening meal booked.

Sunday

10am Mo's Diner Calmore Industrial Estate, Liverpool team expected for pre match breakfast/lunch (unconfirmed)

2pm Liverpool motorcade will travel to St Mary's via M27. M271 and Millbrook Road, these roads will be closed as will Southampton Airspace.

4pm
Armed guards will lead out Liverpool team and handcuff Brendon Rodgers to his seat.

6.30pm
Liverpool motorcade will leave St Mary's and be escorted back to Southampton Airport via Thomas Lewis Way

8pm
Armed troops will be stood down from Marchwood and security threat downgraded to green until opening of transfer window.

NB
Marchwood is a small village in Southampton, it should not be confused with Portsmouth which is another small village in Southampton but on the other side of the city.

Photo: Action Images



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ericofarabia added 14:36 - Feb 19
Shouldn't all Bins and Wheel Hubs be put under lock and key as well, in case any stragglers get through the security net?
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BoondockSaint added 16:38 - Feb 19
Headlines today said RAF ran off some "Red" Bombers on the south coast. Spokesman said " No worries, It's just Putin, he thinks he's Brendan Rodgers!"
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