International central defenders of repute should apply with their CV to Ronald Koeman C/O St Mary's Stadium Southampton.

International central defenders should start queueing at St Mary's Stadium after the injury to Florin Gardos left Saints rather short at the back.

There will be no shortage however of potential applicants put forward by the media as every football agent with a central defender on his books will be e mailing his clients cv to the club whilst speaking on his mobile to his press contacts to tell them he is already in contact with Southampton Football Club.

The Daily Echo has already revealed that it is planning a colour supplement in Monday night's edition where all 300 applicants will have their various merits covered in full.

First to be linked is a Croatian International defender who has previously been sold for in excess of £20 million but has not been in favour at his current club since almost hitting a Turkish airliner with the ball last season, his selling points are that he has previously lived on the South Coast, leaving 12 months ago with his head departing around two weeks before that.

He will be available for far less than previously advertised with a sale price of around £5 million (Previously on sale for 28 days in the Southampton store at £20 million between 6th July & 4th August 2014).

Aside from that

Job Description

Central Defender Of Some Repute

Qualifications

Aged between 22-26
International caps for country
Head must still be in place of current employment
Preferably 6ft 2 or above
Able to kick with both feet
Ability to shout "put it into the f***ing stands" in Portugese, Japanese and Dutch
Willing to learn Romanian in time for next season.
Preference will be given for those born in Holland or who have played for Feyenoord.
Must hate Worzel Gummidge lookalikes & bells
Full service history
Must like Windmills, Cheese, Clogs & Mice On Stairs

Photo: Action Images

Jesus_02 added 14:19 - Jul 24 Yes but will Celtic let him go before he plays in Europe. He has pointed out that they will get a lot less if he is cup tied.
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Toussaint added 14:53 - Jul 24 If not Van Dyke then maybe Éder Álvarez Balanta of River,he has a magical left foot for a defender perfect for us, recently he lit up the Copa America and was voted the best young player and also best defender in Argentina after only 6 months
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SaintBrock added 16:16 - Jul 24 OK Nick so it's a miserable rain-sodden day but surely you've got better things to do with your time? Trust Les and give him time!
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BoondockSaint added 19:52 - Jul 24 Could we get big, mean son of a bachelor? The kind that makes forwards hear footsteps when they enter his zone?
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compello added 20:20 - Jul 24 Toussaint that's a very good call. Left footed too, and he gets forward. Very versatile and not expensive. Wonder if he's already on our radar as he suits our profile.
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patred added 22:10 - Jul 24 being linked to Chester, of Hull now..£10m
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