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Saints Braced To Lose Yet Another Star To Liverpool !
Thursday, 28th Dec 2017 12:50

After the news that Virgil Van Dijk will be joining Liverpool in January, Saints fans will be shocked to learn that another Saints stalwart has also been in secret talks to make the move to Merseyside.

Saints fans were today shocked to learn that Saints fanzine Editor Nick Illingsworth is on the verge of completing a move to Liverpool fans website Empire Of The Kop, only 29 years into a 30 year contract to produce the Ugly Inside.

Interviewed by Radio Solent only weeks ago, Illingsworth had reiterated his commitment to Southampton Football Club and spoken of his desire to take The Ugly Inside forward in its 30th anniversary season.

Yet it seems that all along he had been in secret negotiations with Empire Of The Kop to join them in the January transfer window for fans social media outlets.

Some close to the website say things changed about a year ago when Illingsworth was persuaded to change agents, ditching his long term one and signing to a high flying agency, after that clues as to where his ambitions lay came in his work on the website, suddenly typing errors and poor punctuation were eradicated from his game and references to Barcelona and the Champions League started to appear, also he started to refer to everyone as La.

Whispers that Empire Of The Kop were courting him were rife in the football social media World, Claude and Ty on Arsenalfanstv let slip that they had heard it was a done deal whilst pausing for expletives after their draw at St Mary's recently.

Likewise the Merseyside Media Mafia were urging him to make the move, both Jamie Carragher and Steven Gerrard commented that " He has earned the right to spout utter bollocks at the highest level, if he doesnt make the move it shows a distinct lack of ambition."

Intitially Illingsworth denied the rumours and again reiterated that he was contracted to TUI till May 2018 and he intended to honour that contract unless told otherwise, saying

" I remain committed to TUI till May 2018 and he intended to honour that contract unless told otherwise"

But then rumour took a rather sinister turn, on December 28th a full 4 days before the transfer window opens, speaking to a Liverpool fan on social media about Van Dijk's injury, he said.

"It's his ankle that is dodgy, I am available at the right price and I have in the great tradition of want away prima donnas already had the photo taken of me with the club shirt next to my Xmas tree before I have signed"

It is thought he was joking but he accidentally attached the picture below to the tweet.

It it you can clearly see that he is indeed holding a Liverpool shirt and there is a Xmas tree in the background, it is a classic pose from a want away ego driven superstar and soon the internet was awash with comments.

Clive Foley, co founder of The Ugly Inside and a regular contributor was shocked.

"I spoke to him only on Xmas Eve, he made no mention of Merseyside only that the Postman appeared to have removed the £20 note from the Xmas card he had received from me"

TUI TV Anchorman Freddie Hunt was likewise not only shocked but stunned as well.

" I'm not only shocked but stunned as well" he said

" Nick is a delight to work with, pure genius, I would say going to a Liverpool website would be a backward step for him, another year on TUI TV and he would have had Sky after him and if he learn't Spanish both Barcelona and Real Madrid "

Empire Of The Kop declined to comment, but through their solicitor issued the fllowing statement.

"We can categorically state that we have not approached Nick Illingsworth either directly or indirectly and we have officially ended any interest we had in him, we respect The Ugly Inside's position and apologise if they have misinterpreted any comments we have made, however if they would like to beg us to take him then we may reconsider our interest"

So what is the truth ? Has Nick really defected to Liverpool ? We know that he was missing from the squad at Chelsea, but he did travel up to Spurs on Boxing Day, although pictures show him to be looking very miserable and hacked off for some apparent reason.

Stop Press ! As this article was about to be published Southampton FC Issued a statement.

A short statement on Southampton FC's official website said only.

"Southampton Football Club can confirm it has reached an agreement with Empire Of The Kop over the transfer of Nick Illingsworth."

"Southampton have agreed a fee that will set a new world-record for a Fanzine Editor."

"The club wishes Nick well in his future when the deal is completed on January 1st 2018."

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Photo: Action Images

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SaintPaulVW added 13:04 - Dec 28

Love it.

BaselSaint added 13:25 - Dec 28
100 million and not a penny less.

kingolaf added 14:09 - Dec 28
Nick, you'll have to hope Klopp signs Yoshida as well to give you someone to give a good kicking to every week.

BoondockSaint added 14:16 - Dec 28
I was wondering about that! He didn't look like he was putting a full effort in his posts the last few weeks! Seemed to be off his game-only berating Yoshi once per article!

P.S. Nick hope you burned that rag and disinfected your hands after the photo!

SanMarco added 14:40 - Dec 28
" he did travel up to Spurs on Boxing Day, although pictures show him to be looking very miserable and hacked off for some apparent reason". SOME APPARENT REASON - anyone who didn't look very miserable after that performance would deserve to be sent to scally land...

steve73 added 15:24 - Dec 28
Best article I've ever read on here, priceless 👏👏🤣

landerwal added 15:32 - Dec 28
I thought the Emirate of the Man City fanzine had come in with an offer.

zonehead added 15:38 - Dec 28
That’s it I’m off I’ve placed myself on the fans transfer list, all clubs considered except pompey

Libertine36 added 16:08 - Dec 28
Happy New Year Nick and Family for all the shite you have taken over the years you're a top bloke

aceofthebase added 16:55 - Dec 28
Hope this is NOT a spoof! lol

underweststand added 05:58 - Dec 29
You can't blame someone with ambition who wants to move. ..but why wait 29 years ?

It will be easy for Nick to fit into the daily routine at Liverpool, especially as they have so many former Saints players on their staff. ! Its always sad to see a loyal person part from SMS, but we can expect to see many more interviews with our former stars who will recall the times when they were so successful with Saints - and yet only moved for the money.......


BaselSaint added 08:50 - Dec 29
Nick, did you rip that off the back of a small lad playing footy in the park? Worth it for the laugh tho'

Saint88 added 09:31 - Dec 29
Great piece to lighten the mood and we all need a bit of humour in our lives!

SaintBrock added 14:08 - Dec 29
Merry Christmas belatedly Nick!

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