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Saints Announce Massive Fund Raising Game !
Monday, 5th Feb 2018 16:20

Saints have announced a charity match aimed at raising millions for Premier League star's living near the poverty line.

In a touching gesture by the club the Southampton first team squad will meet an All Star XI comprised of mainly ex Saints players in a game that's already attracting the interest amongst the St Mary's faithful.

Former Saints Adam Lallana, Sadio Mane, Dejan Lovren and Virgil Van Dijk are all pencilled in for a place in the starting line up although in the case of Lovren that is far from certain at the moment.

Virgil Van Dijk has not only promised to attend but also to bring some effort with him, his plight was highlighted as shown in the photo below when back in November he was forced to scour the Anfield pitch searching for spare change dropped by the Liverpool squad during the game.

This iconic picture struck a chord in the heart of millions, this was 2017 but it could easily have been 1887 when you look at the shame and anguish on Van Dijk's face as he has to endure the indignity of literally scraping a living.

At one stage Dejan Lovren was so poor he had to resort to kicking the ball out of the ground when taking a penalty, as was evidenced in Istanbul in the picture below, or just his clearances in general, out in the street his accomplice would catch the ball and it would later be auctioned on line sometimes raising as much as £25 or £50 if Lovren's signature was not on it.

Shortly after this game the "Players And Related Agents Society Increasing The Equity" was formed or Parasites for short.

The game will be played at St Mary's Stadium on Sunday 11th February with a 4.30pm kick off in order to maximise the inconvenience for the average football fan.

But it will be played for a good cause, much of the money involved will be used to improve the lot of current Premier League footballers who are struggling to survive on £100k a week.

Lets take the case of Virgil (Made up name) , he recently saw his village invaded by men with cheque books and he was forced against his will to completely ignore the terms of his contract and sign another for a club hundreds of miles away from his home, for several weeks he was held virtually captive in a 5 bedroom apartment without even a Spa or Swimming Pool, basics that most of us would take for granted, till eventually a more suitable home for him could be found. On some occasions he found that he even had to get up off the sofa to get the remote control, something that in the 21st century no footballer should ever have to do.

This level of poverty must stop.

It is very easy for a football fan paying a mere £750 for a season ticket to take Premier League footballers & managers for granted, yes they are reasonably well paid, but few get to make really big moves to places like Real Madrid and Barcelona and have to make do with a few egotistical despots taking over the likes of Everton and Spurs and being willing to fork out lots of money for no return.

But even that pot is not a bottomless pit, this method of funding could soon run out, a Premier League big name who shall remain nameless said.

"it's ruthless out there, one minute I'm lined up to take over at a self proclaimed big club and being promised riches beyond belief as the man to take them to the Champions League, then the next it's all fallen through and I'm left trying to live in a 7 bedroomed mansion in Hertfordshire off of 3 years severance pay"

This charity game came about after Saints Chairman Ralph Krueger felt a pang of guilt.

" I was aware of how much money we had taken from other Premier League clubs and how badly some of the players we had sold were now faring, although the likes of Morgan Schneiderlin and Luke Shaw are really no longer our problem, we do feel a little bit of responsibility for them, if we can give a little bit back to these players, who to be honest were little more than slaves at St Mary's and had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the door and up the M6, then we have a duty to do so "

But there is a longer term issue here for those that have made their living from the Premier League, there is rumour of a drought in Marchwood as well as the Premier League getting tighter and not letting any Tom, Dick or Arry throw their money about anymore, this could lead to extreme poverty especially in the Alderley Edge area in Cheshire and Formby on Mersyside where new dole offices are already being built to cope with the demand.

Another unamed Premier League star lamented

"Yes we get well paid but it's a short career and the real problem is the esculating costs of expensive headphones, puffa jackets and sulking lessons, people don't realise the effort we have to put in to become this precocious and up our own arses, most of us started out as friendly little lads who loved football, but skill is not enough in the the modern game, you need to be able to look a sullen obnoxious brat never taking your headphones off and with the right tattoo's 24/7 and that is not easy"

There is a real chance that the Premier League sulky brat could become a thing of the past and extinct, as we speak the Professional Footballers Association have one research and suggested that there may only be as few as 450 left in the entire World a worrying state of affairs.

So Saints fans can you do your bit for these poor souls ? for £750 a year you can help sponsor a Premier League footballer, if you can spare that sum once a year in May, you could help turn their lives around and make sure they never have to worry again.

For that you will be given a picture of the Premier League player you have sponsored, maybe a badge and a ghost written letter from his Chairman thanking you for your contribution and asking if you might like to buy a shirt as well.

Of course you won't get to meet the player, but then again you don't get to meet a snow leopard in Asia either if you sponsor one of them.

Buckets will be shaken outside of the ground for this game, some of these players have barely £5 million to see them through to the summer, please please give genorously.

NB. 85% of money raised will go to this worthy cause with the other 15% going to agents, none will be frivously wasted in boosting the transfer kitty in the summer.

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Photo: Action Images



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Newdawn2014 added 17:33 - Feb 5
OMG ! I didn't realise just how bad these poor guys struggle , with that in mind I have cancelled my £10.00 monthly subscription that helps feed and house a rescue dog , greedy buggers anyway .
I hope this small gesture will in some way help and as soon as I have a pension increase I will of course increase the amount accordingly.

yours tearfully
1

underweststand added 18:41 - Feb 5
Very humourous Nick. .but for a moment I really thought this was a signal of generosity on the part of todays millionaire footballers to their many former colleagues who have fallen by the wayside.

As a Saints fan for the last 60 years.. there have been several generations of past heroes at Saints ..(and I'm sure many other clubs)....to whom todays footballing salaries look like an insulting joke, when one considers the meagre wages they received in their day.

Yes - some of them invested a little money in a small business to help support them after their playing days were over but many others, who had no other skill than kicking a football, then had to go straight to the Job Centre and look for " ordinary work ".

It saddened me when some years back, we heard the news of our legendary 1960's striker Ron Davies, (and for whom fans of that era had too few superlatives to use) was living in a mobile home in USA and couldn't afford a hip operation which was the result of his many years of service to several clubs.

An enormous response from many older Saints fans who recalled him, helped sponsor a fund which collected enough to allow him to get the treatment he needed. Just in the last year or so, it saddened many of us to read the obituaries of great players of the past who had given us much pleasure to watch in their (often) all too short playing days.

Like many others last week, I recalled Cyrille Regis (who although not a Saint) drew the respect of many in the game, and I asked myself...what would players like Ron and Cyrille be worth ....at today's prices?

As I said ..VERY funny article, but sad that the idea behind it ..was only a joke.


4

kingolaf added 19:05 - Feb 5
Hopefully Bob Geldof is reading this. He can start fundraising from his multi-million London pad and call us a load of tight c*nts for not donating.
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the_saint added 20:29 - Feb 5
It does make me laugh when you hear footballers say it’s a short career well I say after your career is finished get a job like the rest of us working class
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amsterdamsaint added 20:39 - Feb 5
Nick, that was good. Bravo!
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highfield49 added 09:46 - Feb 6
I've heard it said, but have no idea whether or not it is true, that some of these players have had to make alternative tax arrangements just to keep their swimming pools heated. We should be ashamed that we don't pay more to watch these heroes of the modern age.
Indeed a few ex players have been lured into becoming media pundits to make ends meet and I'd be willing to pay just a little bit extra to get them off my tv screen.
1

Jesus_02 added 12:26 - Feb 6
I saw the stunt a gambling company arranged that involved a 9ft golden statue of VVD arriving after he signed for them.

I was shocked that there wasn’t more of an outcry from their supporters.

Apparently, it was removed as it was a “bomb threat”. Hopefully it was removed because it was a bad joke at the expense of any of their former players whose status wasn’t so easily bought.
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