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Pompey Get TV Viewing Record For Play Off Semi Final
Tuesday, 7th Jul 2020 12:38 by Milburn Drysdale

Hot on the tails of Southampton FC being acclaimed as being involved in the highest UK TV live viewing audience for a Premier League game, Portsmouth were not to be outdone with their trip to Oxford United.

Whilst most of the UK watched The Chase or Neighbours early Monday evening, those who switched to the League One play off game between Oxford United and Portsmouth were treated to the sight of a group of Pompey supporters balancing precariously on a pile of pallets on the back of a flatbed truck, a vision that has seen them daubed the Portsdown Hillbillies.

Led by Portsmouth's number 1 fan Jed Portsmouth Football Club Clampett-Westwood, they spent over two hours singing their entire repertoire of three songs, to a bemused smattering of Cinema goers.

But in doing so they they broke several world records including

"The highest number of members of the same family to balance on a block of pallets on a flatbed truck whilst watching a football team, the other side of a fence 50 yards away, go out of a League One play off semi final on penalties ! "

This in itself will probably lead to another World record for the longest football chant.

Strangely Jed, I mean John did not have his bell with him, nor was he in his usual clown's costume, this was possibly to aid them into being able to get to Oxford without being turned back by the Police, hence they had gone undercover disguised as 1960's sitcom cast members of The Beverley Hillbillies.

They carried out this disguise to the utmost affect and police patrols on the M27 and A34 didn't give them a second glance assuming they were aficionados of the aforementioned show heading for a fans convention.

They were almost rumbled though as they travelled through SO postcodes with the man dressed as Jed unable to stop himself yelling obscenities about Scummers going down and Pompey going up, almost falling off the pile of pallets as he performed some sort of contorted dance pointing first downwards and then up.

On going over St Catherines Hill there was almost a tragedy, the pallets stacked six high and with the same number of Portsdown Hillbillies balanced on top of them, almost slid off the back of the truck, none of the group having learn't to tie their shoelaces, could tie a knot in a rope to strap them to the flatbed, so they spent the journey sliding backwards and forwards on the pallets, in a scene straight out of the Italian Job.

On arrival at Oxford they fooled local Police who upon seeing them, took units off of duty at the Kassam stadium and redeployed them to protect the lead on the Oxford University roof, thus enabling them to park up behind the open end unchallenged to watch the match.

All that was then needed was to clamber up on to the pallets and watch the game.

Three songs were sung during the game.

1, Play Up Pompey
2.The Scum are going down and Pompey's going up
3. The one they sung at our cup tie that they don't seem to know the words of.

Ultimately though they were silenced when the game went to penalties and Cameron McGeehan a loan signing from Barnsley and a lifelong Pompey fan since the January transfer window saw his penalty saved.

All The Portsdown Hillbillies could do now, was to clamber down from the pallets and finally get to chase off a small group of four 13 year old's who had spent the game hurling abuse at them, when the PHB's called it on they quickly cycled away prompting mutterings of "just like scummers aint got no firm", subsequent claims that two of them were girls and one of the boys was 11 was dismissed by Jed who said "This is a working class game with working class passions, Scummers just don't get it, it's Pompey innit even if I'm a middle class man from a small town 20 miles from Pompey"

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named John
Poor bookshop owner couldn't bare to say Southampton
Then one day he was singing about scummings
And up in their ground popped Danny Ings.
(Class that is, Premier League, Four Nil)

Well the first thing you know old John's in tears
Kin folk said John now here's your worst fears
SO14 is the place that you oughta be
So he loaded up the truck and they moved to St Mary's
(Stadium that is, proper toilets, standards)

Well now it's time to say goodbye to John and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly droppin' in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin' helpin' of Division Three
Portsdown Hillbillies...that's what they call 'em now

Photo: Action Images

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ItchenNorth added 18:06 - Jul 7
Ha, love it! Now that's fanzine writing again. More please.

ChristchurchSaint added 09:39 - Jul 8
Good one Nick, can we start a petition to keep Jackett as their permanent manager? It will ensure they never get beyond Div 1.

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