Forum | ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... by Swanjaxs

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ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 80413 views

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shÃ¬t her knickers ðŸ˜®

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 12:23 - May 23 with 2642 views

wobbly

Researchers have conclusively proved that job interview questions are pointless. Reviewing interviews conducted in 2015, not a single person got the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” right.

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 16:51 - May 23 with 2572 views

BigYank

I was at the butcher's last week and the butcher says to me "You see those cuts of meat on the top shelf?" I nodded and said "yeah, what about them?" He smiles and said, "I bet you 50 quid you can't reach them!" I frown and tell him "I'm not making that bet."

"Why?" the butcher says.

"Because the steaks are too high!"

Stateside Jack

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 with 2464 views

Highjack

Dominic Cummings.

	The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll:	Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 11:38 - May 24 with 2443 views

Swanjaxs

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 by Highjack
Dominic Cummings.

Pikey Paul ðŸ¤£

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 12:03 - May 24 with 2421 views

Muteswan

I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism.
They said if I couldn’t pay it back on time I’d be repossessed.

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 with 2371 views

Swanjaxs

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

The flag, it's a big plus ðŸ‘

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 15:38 - May 24 with 2334 views

Highjack

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 by Swanjaxs
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag, it's a big plus ðŸ‘

Some people say it’s the cheese, but that argument is full of holes.

	The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll:	Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:22 - May 24 with 2276 views

Muteswan

A dung beetle went into a bar and asked “Is this stool taken?”

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:24 - May 24 with 2270 views

dickythorpe

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 with 2263 views

Muteswan

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 00:34 - May 19 by Swanjaxs
A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts. Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. ðŸ™„

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 with 2251 views

Swanjaxs

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 by Muteswan
Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. ðŸ™„

No problem ðŸ˜Š

You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though ðŸ˜

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:36 - May 24 with 2247 views

Swanjaxs

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 with 2243 views

Muteswan

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 by Swanjaxs
No problem ðŸ˜Š You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though ðŸ˜

I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. ðŸ˜‰

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 21:42 - May 24 with 2208 views

Swanjaxs

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan
I’m really angry! Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden. Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. ðŸ˜‰

ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘ðŸ‘

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 with 2202 views

Swanjaxs

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan
I’m really angry! Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden. Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. ðŸ˜‰

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? — One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 24 with 2190 views

Robbie

Me - Went on a flight to Spain last year ,

Mate - Thats nice , who did you fly with ?

Me - Don"t know , did not ask the other passengers their names .

( Copyright Tim Vine )

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 22:05 - May 24 with 2178 views

longlostjack

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 by Swanjaxs
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? — One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

As Henning said:

â€žLet’s get one thing straight. Germans like a laugh. Just like the Brits. It’s just Germans laugh once the work is done.“

Poll:

Alcohol in the lockdown

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 22:06 - May 24 with 2173 views

Ebo

Went to a wedding reception once and the caterers had let the poor couple down badly. All there was to eat was breakfast cereal. Let’s just say it was a frostie reception.

	Thank you, goodnight and bollocks
Poll:	What couldn't you live without?

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 25 with 2039 views

Swanjaxs

	You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll:	Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 22:16 - May 25 with 2020 views

Muteswan

I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
I got the sack for taking a few days off.

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 23:33 - May 25 with 1972 views

BrynCartwright

What I object to is all the sex on the television these days!

Well.....I mean....we keep falling off!

(Graham Chapman)

Poll:

Artificial Crowd Noise for Premier League and Champiionship Games is...

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 15:50 - May 27 with 1837 views

Highjack

I went to an Eskimo restaurant the other day. I asked the waiter what was on the menu, he said “whale meat, whale meat, whale meat, or you could have the Vera Lynn”

I said “what’s the Vera Lynn?”

He said “Whale meat again...”

	The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll:	Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 22:10 - May 27 with 1784 views

Muteswan

Someone told me to use horse manure on my rhubarb.
I have to say I still prefer custard. ðŸ˜³

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 22:51 - May 27 with 1760 views

dickythorpe

Claude Lightly wasn't a bad lion tamer

ShÃ¬t Joke thread..... on 07:35 - May 28 with 1703 views

Best_loser

Irish guy goes to a KKK fancy dress ball

As al jolson

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