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Reply | crown jewles
at 11:26 7 Dec 2025
Well it’s all Pollocks at the end of the day. |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 11:19 7 Dec 2025
Respect there, Planet. It’s that sort of lateral thinking that feeds innovation and makes us come back for more. I’ve now formed a mental picture of Gerd Muller, the prolific German striker known as ‘Der Bomber’. Now I’m not sure Gerd ever took ‘corners’ as such, which does rather limit further incursions into ‘Muller Corner Jokes’ territory, but might there be an opportunity to explore dessert-related jokes that reference his nickname instead? La Bombe Surprise, for example? Or Bombe Glacée?
It’s entirely possible that I may not have thought this through properly. |
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Reply | corny jokes
at 10:34 7 Dec 2025
No, it’s been temporarily hijacked by the ‘crown jewles’ thread. Normal service expected to resume within a day or two. |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 10:20 7 Dec 2025
Are you Jackson Pollock in disguise, Bazza? |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 04:58 7 Dec 2025
In many respects it’s a pity that the Tower of London isn’t situated in the middle of land covered with dense forest and tangled vegetation. Yesterday’s events could then have been referred to as … ‘The Crumble In The Jungle’.
I’m here all week. |
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Reply | Timeless Lyrics. Please no Youtube. Just the words. Go with it.
at 04:38 7 Dec 2025
Happy to oblige, Tactical. Here’s verse one from ‘Billericay Dickie’ by Ian Dury …
Had a love affair with Nina
In the back of my Cortina
A seasoned-up hyena
Could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her
Rum and her Ribena |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 04:28 7 Dec 2025
Enough of these cheap innuendos. I think it’s time we moved on to Spotted Dick. |
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Reply | Bucket List / Fck It List
at 21:31 6 Dec 2025
Saw this piece in The Guardian a few years ago about an Italian game called ‘Calcio Storico’. It dates back to the 16th century apparently and has been described as ‘the most brutal sport on earth’. Well, any sport that allows headbutting, punching, tripping, wrestling and choking (a bit like football here in the 1970’s) can’t be a bad thing! Happens annually in Florence by all accounts so would definitely be on my bucket (of blood) list.
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/the-gentleman-ultra/2017/jun/30/calcio-storico |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 20:36 6 Dec 2025
Wasn’t Digswell looking for the Corny Yolks thread earlier? |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 20:23 6 Dec 2025
Well they were probably looking for a bit of afters. [Post edited 6 Dec 21:00]
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Reply | crown jewles
at 20:18 6 Dec 2025
Yes, they made a right old Eton mess of it. |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 19:25 6 Dec 2025
And the Phantom Flan Flinger! |
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Reply | crown jewles
at 19:06 6 Dec 2025
Apple crumble and custard on your Crown Jewels? Tried that once. Came to a sticky end. |
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Reply | Timeless Lyrics. Please no Youtube. Just the words. Go with it.
at 05:01 6 Dec 2025
Lyrics by Abel Meeropol but generally associated with Billie Holiday. Gets me every time (as does Oscar Brown Jr’s ‘Bid ‘em In’ from his first album ‘Sin & Soul’)
Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees
Pastoral scene of the gallant south
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh
Here is fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop |
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Reply | Timeless Lyrics. Please no Youtube. Just the words. Go with it.
at 04:43 6 Dec 2025
Almost anything by Ian Dury …
Some of Buddy Holly, the working folly
Good golly Miss Molly and boats
Hammersmith Palais, the Bolshoi Ballet
Jump back in the alley add nanny goats
18-wheeler Scammells, thumbing out the candles
All other mammals plus equal votes
Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willy
Being rather silly, and porridge oats
A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it
You're welcome, we can spare it, yellow socks
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty
Going on 40, no electric shocks
The juice of the carrot, the smile of the parrot
A little drop of claret, anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, days when I ain't spotty
Sitting on the potty, curing small pox
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful
One, two, three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Health service glasses
Gigolos and brasses
Round or skinny bottoms
Take your mum to Paris
Lighting up the chalice
Wee Willy Harris
Bantu Stephen Biko, listening to Rico
Harpo, Groucho, Chico
Cheddar cheese and pickle, the Vincent motorsickle
Slap and tickle
Woody Allen, Dali, Dimitri and Pasquale
Balabalabala and Volare
Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying hokey-dokey, singalonga Smokey
Coming out of chokey
John Coltrane's soprano, Adi Celentano
Bonar Colleano |
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Reply | World Cup Draw
at 09:52 5 Dec 2025
“It’s gonna be the GREATEST Soccer Ball competition the World has ever seen!! Would never have happened if it wasn’t for ME!! Thank you for your Attention to this MATTER”. |
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Reply | World Cup Draw
at 09:45 5 Dec 2025
Should be the Piss Prize if the rumours are correct (cue $1bn lawsuit). |
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