| Still 7 homes games left 13:07 - Feb 16 with 2721 views | EGP |
Fans of crisis club bury were left reeling today following an investigation from the Football League, who were concerned that the stricken club had simply given up.
With ‘PP’ appearing alongside bury seemingly every Saturday and Tuesday, the FL were contacted by the Pools Panel who were complaining of an increased workload due to bury’s inability to get games on, either home or away.
The investigation was alarmed to hear that bury think there is a hidden agenda being waged against them by Mother Nature in order to prevent them fulfilling their fixtures, resulting in an inevitable relegation.
The FL obtained an interview with current Chairman Stewart Day, recently turned 32, and a property developer by trade, who commented on Shakers World after a postponed game in December that machinery and equipment was booked in to prevent future postponements from occurring.
EGP has obtained a copy of the receipt of this ‘order’ and it transpires the club ordered a fork from B&Q. They did not purchase water-hogs and verti-drains as is the norm in the North West.
EGP sensed that something just wasn’t right with the JD hierarchy and decided to hire Andy Coulson to see if further evidence could be dredged up from the murky Stewart Day and the shady figures lurking around the JD Stadium.
Coulson readily took up the challenge and managed to record a lot of the secret goings-on at the JD Stadium. The secret tapes arrived covertly at EGP Towers on Friday evening, disguised as a pizza, on a motorcycle, by the bloke who works for Tariq’s pizzas on Spotland Road.
The following excerpts can now be released….
DF to KH: “Bloody brilliant. We’re off again. It means I can come and support Dale again. Get Maureen to put me a ticket on, will you?”
SD to his Mum: “We’re off again. I’ll be home for my tea Mum. I think I’ve dropped a bollock getting involved here. I didn’t realise bury had a flood plain. I’ll struggle to get planning permission here. I’d have been better off buying in Somerset.
Bury-on-Avon?
The place is such a mess too. It’s looking worse than Paxman’s beard.”
Paxman at Spotland yesterday, mingling with Dale fans
Random Fan to excitable Random Fan: “Results have gone our way again! If we win our games in hand, we’ll be in the play-offs. This league just keeps getting tighter.”
FL rep to NN: “We’re going to contact Rochdale to see if you can hire Spotland for your home games.”
NN to Navy Boy: “Football League want us to play at Fail. I know it’s as appealing as an Iceland buffet, so put some spin on it will you?”
SD to PD: “At least at Port Vale you could get matches on. You had cash flow. You never told me what it would be like in winter with no income. There’s wages to pay.”
SD to Mr West: “Look Nathan, we need a bigger overdraft. The mortgage money was spent last August assembling an international squad. The JD money was spent in December paying them off and recruiting another squad; since then we’ve barely played a fixture. We’ve only played three games at home this year at that barely covers the cost of the seven loanees we’ve got. We can pay you back when we get the games on. The fan base is massive — we’re getting bigger crowds than Fail and they’re going for promotion because they’ve won a few.”
SD to HMRC: “We won’t need an extension this year as nothing is coming in, so 20% of nothing is nothing. You can have it today if you want!”
KB to SD: “Look. If you default on my monthly pay-off again, I’ll take you to court. It’s not my fault Jesse ended up at Tamworth. When I was manager he was banging them in at Carrow Road.”
SD to KB: “It only seems two minutes since we were beating a team of Cornish fishermen 15-0 and you were telling me we would be leaving the league this season.”
DF to KH: “Any suggestions on anyone else I can bring in, Hilly? And don’t tell me to recruit anymore ex-Dale players. I thought Platty would slip under the radar with it being 15 years ago, but the fans were up in arms saying they’d rather go down. You think you’ve got it rough with those behind you in the dugout. I’ve got them on all three sides here and they’re absolutely deluded to a man. If I don’t get bury into the play-offs this year I think they’ll lynch me.”
DF to SD: “Don’t worry about the postponements. The lads have been great in training and they’re getting more time to gel. Watch us go at Accrington on Tuesday. I think you’ll be in for a surprise.”
SD to Navy Boy: “I do read the messageboard. Mainly just to read what the Dale fans say as they talk a lot of sense. It was on their advice that I appointed Flicker you know.”
Norman Normal to NN: “Look. We’ve paid for advertising on your shirts. You promised us 46 outings per year. We’re not getting the national exposure you promised us with the shirts being folded and locked away in a cupboard. We want our money back.”
SD to PD: “You know that international summer tour I promised when I took over. All these postponements are going to jeopardise it. You’d better phone up the Manx Tourist Board and cancel our hostel.”
FL to RAFC: “Is there any chance bury can borrow Spotland? Their JD pitch is wetter than Rod Hull’s roof.”
DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES. WE’LL BE BACK!
[Post edited 16 Feb 2014 13:37]
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| Still 7 homes games left on 14:53 - Feb 16 with 2514 views | RAFCBLUE |
Was a representative of FC United of Manchester available?
They have 10 (TEN) League games still to play on the Gigg Lane meadow between Tuesday and Easter Monday. Three of those games are before we play there.
Will our game be on? |  |
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| Still 7 homes games left on 10:19 - Feb 17 with 2114 views | ParkinsGimp |
FC SCUM of Manchester lovely bedfellows of bury LOL
But yes our game could be in jeapordy if they do get a few games on , even then the pitch might be an absolute quagmire, not suited to free flowing football.
Very good write up EGP superb investigative journalism LOL | | | |
| Still 7 homes games left on 10:44 - Feb 17 with 2073 views | SuddenLad |
Looking at those pictures of the Giggle pitch, they might want to sign Tom Daly as a technical coach.
It explains their message board warriors are 'puddled' |  |
| “It is easier to fool people, than to convince them that they have been fooled†|
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| Still 7 homes games left on 13:48 - Feb 17 with 1883 views | sandylaner1 |
Superb OP.....
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| Still 7 homes games left on 15:11 - Feb 17 with 1779 views | Daley_Lama |
| Still 7 homes games left on 13:48 - Feb 17 by sandylaner1 |
Superb OP.....
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With all this sitting around on their bums due to no investement in the pitch, the bury players will at least be able to enjoy the comfortable sofas and oppulance of the re-vamped foyer tjat heralded the 2013 Revolution. |  |
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| Still 7 homes games left on 15:56 - Feb 17 with 1718 views | aleanddale |
Fantastic OP
Look forward to more EGP instalments... | | | |
| Still 7 homes games left on 18:05 - Feb 18 with 1419 views | RAFCBLUE |
And FCUM games is ON tonight.
The EGP prod seems to have solved the pitch problems.... | |
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