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Fans of crisis club bury were left reeling this morning when the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO) ordered that all recent media reports on the demise of EFL club, bury FC, be ripped up and thrown away.
IPSO also ordered the BBC to redo all its coverage of the sorry saga taking into account the following:
1. Do not portray bury FC and its fans as victims;
2. Do not lay the blame exclusively at the feet of Steve Dale;
3. The EFL is blameless — please reflect this;
4. Do not give too much air-time to people on the club car park who are clearly not “all there”;
5. Do not distort numbers to paint a false picture.
The IPSO orders were immediately sent to the following BBC Press outlets - Jimmy Wigg at BBC Radio Matey and Todger Johnson and Annabel Sniffin at BBC North West Tonight.
EGP has been granted access to the next half-hour bulletin on bury FC designed to set the record straight by providing balance and context on events at Gigg Lane since the last Century, where the roots of the current crisis can be traced back to.
Sniffin and Todger were allowed a football economics expert in the studio to assist. Mr Goodwith Numbers was introduced and immediately declared an interest saying his brother Notgoodwith was a bury FC fan.
When invited to deliver his lengthy report, Numbers said, “You can trace this all the way back to the 1990s when bury FC, using stolen money via bent Chairman Hugh Eaves, bankrolled promotions to the second tier of the game.
“This was the worst thing you could imagine for the club as the supporters immediately believed their rightful place was in The Championship . When the Eaves money dried up, bury FC sank back to their rightful place in the fourth tier immediately.
“But, subsequent Chairmen, mindful of the clamour amongst a fan base of very limited intelligence, carried on spending well beyond their means.
“The most notable example was between 2006-2013, when they allegedly paid striker Andy Bishop £5000 a week. The player earned nearly £2m from the club and it was against the backdrop of this ridiculous spending, that the club was set to fold (yet again) in 2013.
‘1 in 3 men’ Andy Bishop
“Never fear, club jinx Neville Neville was on hand to announce bury FC would indeed fold unless ten local businesses stumped up £100,000 each with a return ‘guaranteed’.
“Whilst some businesses offered support, Neville pulled the plug saying even this wouldn’t keep the club afloat until the next season. Neville used his high profile in the media to get the story out there, not realising that if you hang a carcass out to dry, you attract vultures. It was naive of Neville, but he was still surprised when two lads walked in off the street asking to buy the club.
“Without doing any due diligence on Stewart Day and Glenn Thomas, Neville sold the club to these chancers. They immediately surrounded themselves with people who can best be described as dubious.
“Enter Perry Deakin, loathed in the Potteries. Enter Gisella Alberici with Specialist Expertise in Property and Asset Finance. Hardly the sort of people you want involved with a small parochial football club.
“At the outset, the new Chairman was making all the right noises, testing the ground. Looking back with hindsight, it is so easy to spot the feelers he was putting out for what he could get away with.
“I’ve unearthed video footage from 2013 of a Fans Forum in their Social Club where Day says, “You’ll get the truth from me” and also woos those present with an offer of free coach travel to Portsmouth.
“One gullible fan blurted out “well that’s worth a clap” and 150 people suddenly started clapping like smacked-up sea-lions in a circus. They had passed the Gullible Test with flying colours.
R11 bfc, Bullockallamos, skyblueshaker, and Shakerite show their appreciation at the forum
“No-one asked “Who’s paying for it?” Had they, the answer would have been the poor bastards at the coach company going from subsequent form, which shows Day used local businesses like mad, but without ever intending to pay any of them.”
Voice in Stewies head....‘If this cheque bounces its gonna make me look like a right c**t. Ahhhh f**k it!.... Smile for the camera Stewie, smile for the camera’
Numbers, by now well into his stride continued, “I’ve actually uncovered a messageboard thread from a rival club which has been rumbling on for about six years. In this is a detailed breakdown of all the misdemeanours of the Gigg Lane outfit. It should have sent alarm bells ringing amongst bury fans, the EFL and the FA, but no-one was interested back then. bury fans said those writing on the thread were ‘bitter’, ‘jealous’ and ‘obsessed’ instead of looking into what was actually being said.
“I tried to get some context from bury FC supporters and started with the Drain Diva, Joyless Hart, but she couldn’t stop going on about how bury FC were as big as United and City.
Joy and her spout, spouting
“I found another drain, Foreverbury’s Dave Guffard. He was full of smiles and very well meaning, but I just couldn’t help but think that somewhere, a village was missing an idiot. Although, to be fair, I think that when I speak to any of them.
“The last few years have seen the club massively overspend and had they bothered to publish accounts, I could give you examples.
“In the absence of figures, I’ll throw in the names Harry Bunn, James Vaughan, Stephen Dawson, Leon Clarke, Chris Eagles, Brian Jensen, and there will be other ex-Premier League and Championship players who will have been paid way above what this club could afford.
“To pay these players, Day took out huge loans, mortgaging the ground several times over. He sold off car park spaces at £10K each, promising a return.
“He sold tickets for a music festival called the BL9 Weekender. When investors and music lovers realised they might have been scammed and wanted a refund, these companies had suddenly ceased trading, leaving many people out of pocket. The fans meanwhile gloated and lauded it over clubs who spent within their means.
‘I’ve been waiting here five years and no sign of Coolio or the Happy Mondays’
“This led to a bizarre chat on the club car park with a fan oddly calling himself R11 bfc. Clutching a bottle of champagne, he said, ‘I don’t like to say, but I’ve been working 100 hours a week to save this club visiting messageboards all over the country to drum up support and sympathy.
“R11 bfc continued, ‘Disappointingly, a number of supporters of other clubs have little sympathy to give. I’m looking at Shrewsbury and Tranmere whose fans have the temerity to think we’re getting our just desserts. How dare they. Do they not know who we are?
“He added, ‘Anyway, I’m off for a pint at the Northern Whisper. There are some waiting on the bar for you which I bought the other Friday when I got carried away when it looked like we had been saved. I really am that stupid and gullible, aren’t I?’ R11 bFC in reflective mood yesterday
“Likewise there was a recent call for other EFL clubs to go on strike and boycott games until bury FC were reinstated. I get the impression that bury fans think the world revolves around them and they are infinitely more important than other clubs. Their fans have no collective remorse, or sense of guilt that the club has gone under, during their watch, and future generations will have to look towards Bolton or Rochdale for league football, probably Rochdale as Spotland is only one bus away.”
NEXT EDITION: Join EGP as we unearth the secrets behind the birth of bury’s new Pheonix (sic) club. Watch the steering committee plan out a massive new club with Navy Boy in charge of publicity. Wow! Listen to him let out a groan when plans for a 25,000 stadium are announced. “Are you alright Gordy?” asked Joyless.
“Yes Joyless. I’ve just felt something warm trickle down my leg. I hope it’s sweat.”
TBF and add some balance R11 is a straight down the middle bloke ( My own opinion I have never met him ) so I hope he takes the ribbing in the right way.
TBF and add some balance R11 is a straight down the middle bloke ( My own opinion I have never met him ) so I hope he takes the ribbing in the right way.
R11 is indeed a Top lad who I am sure will smile at the references to him more so than Joyless will.
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