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Super Mario off to Turkey
at 22:10 1 Sep 2019

Lemina wanted by Arsenal, Man Utd, Wolves, Real Madrid, Barca, PSG + all the big clubs tbh, on many clubs most wanted lists but top of none, looks like he's on his way to the mighty Galatasary, loan of course
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Wayne Hennessy
at 09:09 17 Apr 2019

Didn't know what a Nazi salute was
Yeah right, we believe you, got away with it though.
England v Kosovo September 10
at 23:05 28 Mar 2019

Was told Monday in Montenegro game will be played at St Mary's,
nothing confirmed as yet.
My Mother in law
at 23:35 15 Feb 2019

My Mother in Law is always complaining about the price of stuff. '£2.50 for a cup of tea and £1 for a biscuit! That's ridiculous!'
'Look' I said, 'I didn't invite you round here, you just turned up'.

Viagra: It might not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I could speak he tipped a bucket of dogshit over my carpet and said, "If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left"...

I replied, "I hope you're hungry mate because they cut off my electricity this morning"
Anyone got any jokes?
at 23:08 8 Feb 2019

A man who lost his ears in a freak accident has had a ground breaking operation of having two replacement ears grafted on that are made from pig skin.

A hospital spokesperson said that the operation was a success and that the man can hear, though he's experiencing a bit of crackling.

Harry Kane recently got an MBE.
Which is ironic really, because that's how he pronounces their current home ground.

I got mugged by six dwarfs last night.
Not happy.
Little bit of free money available on Man City Shaktar game tonight
at 15:01 7 Nov 2018

Shakhtar get a card after 75 minutes 6/4 Paddy Power 200£@6/4 returns 500£
Shakhtar no card 76 min to full time 10/11 William Hill 262£@10/11 returns 500£

Not mega money win (40 or 38) but 8% guaranteed return by 10pm whatever happens.

Nearly buy 2 burgers at SMS Saturday
How difficult is it to make a statue these days?
at 22:48 6 Nov 2018

(not our back 4 related)

Leo Sayer? Maggie Thatcher? Art Garfunkel?

Makes Ted's original a 6/10
Ball 8 in Caraboo Cup draw.
at 22:00 31 Oct 2018

Burton(2) or Middlesboro (5) please.
Lille 3 v Marseille 0 tonight, Jose Fonte
at 22:08 30 Sep 2018

Just caught the last 15 min on BT Sport, never knew he signed for them, or Pied (who's currently injured).

Could be playing CL football next season as second in league behind the winners PSG.
England v Spain tickets Wembley.
at 23:43 7 Sep 2018

I've ended up with 6 spare tickets,(don't ask) 2 £70 lower tier side, 1 adult 3 concessions upper tier.
If anyone wants any of these you can have them for free, I'll be in Hedge End till 3 tomorrow and Wembley around 5ish.
3 tickets for Brighton Saints Cup game Tuesday,
at 00:02 27 Aug 2018

free to anyone who wants them.

Can't make it Tuesday, 2 Adult, 1 Concession, Area S1C RowB, rather someone used them.
Guaranteed winning bet on Rugby League Final Saturday Catalan v Warrington
at 22:50 24 Aug 2018

700£ No yellow card shown 4/7 William Hill, returns 1100.
293£ Sin Bin in match (same thing) 11/4 Ladbrokes, returns 1099

Wins 106£ or 107£ whatever happens, nearly 11% on any stake, good money really,
better than the banks
[Post edited 24 Aug 2018 22:52]
Villa V Brentford on Sky
at 21:05 22 Aug 2018

Anyone watching? How do Brentford get away with plaing in that kit, bit of a colour clash, I cant tell who's who.
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